Recently I found myself pitying a 60-something-year-old man who was eating ice cream by himself. Ohh, that must be hard, I assumed while I indulged in a latte in the coffee shop across the street. It’s sad to not have people around to share simple joys like a weekday afternoon frozen treat, I mused as I savored the creamy flavor of my hazelnut iced drink. Poor people who are alone in public, I said to myself before it dawned on me—I am one of those people. But I don’t feel particularly sad, lonely, or poor while enjoying an afternoon to myself I noted. Ope, as the Midwesterners say. You know what happens when you assume…

I actually love being alone in public. That is, until I don’t; but mostly, I do.

The fact is, while I am grateful for family, friends and a lovely community, I relish any chunk of time in which I can dive deep into my brain to see what creativity is ready to be unlocked. But to do that, I typically need some alone time to just be. Taking time to look around and notice interesting architectural details, or the specific blue color in the sky, or the worn leather back of a well-used chair, brings me little sparks of inspiration. When I intentionally eat a meal alone, I benefit from a more meaningful experience with the taste, smells and textures of the food. I love sinking into a cozy corner to people-watch. It’s fascinating to observe the unique tendencies everyone has when they don’t know they’re watched. But, you only really see those when you have the freedom to observe without obstruction. Noticing those tender quirks in others brings a greater consciousness to my own existence, which is hard to recognize when I’m moving fast or constantly in conversation.

In general, my senses tend to be heightened when I am on my own. I am more aware of my body in space and I pay more attention to the sights and sounds. I’m sure that can partially be attributed to my brain going into survival mode. One should be mindful of their surroundings, perhaps particularly as a young-ish female. But, as individuals who are alone in society, we also don’t need to live in fear, nor do we need to avoid public outings out of shame or embarrassment for our lack of groupies. There is quite a bit of comfort in quietly taking up space around other people, without the pressure of being with other people. You can blissfully melt into the backdrop of someone else’s day while bringing your own main character energy to the table.

Of course, being alone can be lonely at times. If you’re reading this and you feel lonely, that is valid. If you desire stronger friendships, deeper family ties and/or a romantic partner and those relationships are not presenting themselves, that is disappointing. You can mourn those gaps. But, I would also challenge you to carve out a bit of public alone time with a positive mindset, and just see what happens.

Embrace the slight awkwardness of asking for a table for one. Courageously stand (or sit) tall as you make your order. Then, with all the confidence of a person who is their own person, enjoy your outing with joy. Who knows, maybe you’ll make a new friend, maybe your mom will stop by, maybe you’ll meet the love of your life. For sure, you will learn something new about yourself and the world around you. When your mind is taking in those wonders, it’s pretty hard to feel lonely.

LMB #2

SDG